A friend of mine went off in a blog post awhile back about how Southerners are portrayed as toothless hicks in reality television these days.  I sort of went off on a smaller rant in her comments, but the point is we think the same way. For those that are curious, Alexandra Christian’s Post is the one I’m talking about.

All of this resurfaced yesterday when a coworker brought in a picture of his jacked-up truck he had custom made to haul his lawn care equipment… all he could talk about was how it made him feel like one of the Beverly Hillbillies… and oh, boy did I want to cuss.

I didn’t. I behaved myself. But now all bets are off. It’s bugging the crap out of me. Between that ridiculous image and the constant smear of anti-southerner television filth, I’m about to blow my top.

What irritates me the most about not just the southern-fried reality shows but ANY of them is the fact that they’re contributing to the de-education of American society. I’ve got a whole list of issues with reality television. Hold onto your hats, kids, because Imma go off…

MY ISSUES WITH REALITY TELEVISION:

1. Children Should Not Be Watching It. With the problems the United States has involving education and keeping kids in school up to and through college, many of these shows paint a very negative image of society. The impression kids get from this drivel is something along the lines of “well, why should I finish school? These people are stupid and they got rich by making a TV show. I’m going to do the same thing…”  I’m sorry… WRONG.  Yes, some of the shows portray very successful business people running companies they created, but far more are detrimental to society’s well-being.

2. Children Should Not Be Whored Up And Paraded Around. I cannot imagine the mindset of a mother who is willing to dress her child up like a hooker and put her on stage for other people to judge. Repeatedly. WHEN THE CHILD IS BEGGING NOT TO BE UP THERE. I take issue with children’s beauty pageants on a fundamental level that goes far beyond what is shown on syndicated television. Some of the parents on those shows, to me, are candidates for a very long prison sentence for child abuse. Teaching a young child that physical image is the most important attribute in his or her life is wrong. Those kids need to be out playing with their friends and sitting in class at school learning skills to function in adult society, not being forced to sit through hours of grueling preparation for ten minutes on a catwalk with too much makeup on. The failed beauty queen moms really need to get over themselves and get new obsessions because let’s face it… getting pissed off at your six-year-old because she turns left instead of right while she’s dancing complicated choreography is stupid as hell.

3. Noodling and Gator Hunting ARE DANGEROUS. Yes, these are serious sports and/or jobs for people. No, not every person participating in these activities is as backwoods and half-witted as some of the people showcased in these series. Not everyone speaks with an accent that should have subtitles. Not everyone is willing to jump out of a boat into a river to chase a maneating beast. We do have technology here, and we do read books.

4. IT IS NOT FAIR TO CATEGORIZE AN ENTIRE CULTURE BY THE STUPIDITY OF A FEW PEOPLE. Besides, most of this crap is scripted by producers to up the entertainment-factor. Do you really think those people find all that stuff in abandoned storage lockers? Is it realistic to believe that every single recovery job means the owner of the repossessed vehicle is going to throw things and act like an untrained baboon? HELL NO. It’s the producers. All of it. It’s what you call “False Advertising”, and I can’t take it anymore.

5. There’s no imagination. None. At all. People don’t have to think about it. They just have to sit in front of the boob tube and be amused. Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Producer… I want something that’s going to challenge my brain, not turn it to mush.
See?  I told you I was gonna go off. I couldn’t help it… I had to get it out or I was actually going to explode. Normally this would be the point in my post where I tell you to buy my book, but chances are I haven’t made very many fans today. Sorry kids… them’s the breaks. I’m opinionated and loud.

Most people don’t hold that against me, though.